#557 The Four Languages of a Leader: What Niels Brabandt Learned from Mark Wessner About Communicating Like an Executive
The Four Languages of a Leader: What Niels Brabandt Learned from Mark Wessner About Communicating Like an Executive
Every leader has a voice. Far fewer know how to use it well. That was the starting point for this week's episode of The Leadership Podcast, in which host Niels Brabandt spoke with executive coach and author Mark Wessner about a question decision-makers rarely put to themselves directly: which language do you speak as a leader?
Not English, French or German. The language of leadership itself: the way communication is shaped, delivered and received by boards, clients, partners and teams.
Why Communication Is the First Leadership Skill
Wessner's argument, set out in his book "The 4 Languages of a Leader: Finding Your Heart Language and Building Teams That Can Connect with Anyone," is disarmingly simple. Communication is not one skill among many for a leader; it is the vehicle for all the others. A leader may be technically brilliant, strategically sharp and commercially astute, but if that expertise cannot be communicated in a way that resonates with a board of directors, a client or a team, its value is lost in transmission.
The Default Language Every Leader Speaks
According to Wessner, each of us defaults to a particular communication style, a heart language we return to naturally because it is where we feel most fluent. Some leaders instinctively seek an immediate, personal response from the people they address. Others aim for something quieter: a considered pause that signals, I need to think about that. Neither approach is superior. The advantage belongs to leaders who recognise their own default and learn when to reach for a different register, or when to hand the conversation to a colleague whose natural language suits the moment better.
Beyond Personality Tests: A Practical Framework
For business audiences weary of colour codes, animal metaphors and personality quizzes, Wessner draws a clear distinction. His framework does not attempt to categorise people. It identifies how each of us communicates in a way that resonates, then trains leaders to use that fluency deliberately, while building the versatility to step into other languages when a situation demands it. As Wessner put it during the interview with Niels Brabandt, exceptional leaders learn not only to speak other languages themselves, but to recognise when a colleague with a different heart language should lead the conversation instead.
From the Boardroom to the Bus: Why This Book Works for Everyone
One of the sharper exchanges in the interview addressed accessibility directly. Niels Brabandt put it to Wessner without diplomacy: does a book written by a PhD qualified consultant who has advised governments risk alienating readers without that background? Wessner's answer was equally direct. The book runs to fewer than 100 pages, is deliberately written for a general audience, and reserves the academic detail, sources included, for an appendix. The result is a framework designed to be read on a commute and applied that same afternoon.
Turning Theory into a 30-Day Habit
Wessner also pointed listeners to a free, no sign-in 30-day guide accessible via a QR code in the book, allowing leaders to move from theory to daily practice at no additional cost. For decision-makers under constant pressure to show measurable development in themselves and their teams, that combination of academic rigour and practical immediacy is what makes the framework worth a closer look.
The conversation between Niels Brabandt and Mark Wessner is a reminder that leadership development often begins with a far simpler question than strategy or vision: are you actually being understood? For business leaders whose expertise deserves to travel as far as their ambition, that question is worth asking before the next difficult conversation, not after it. Readers who want to explore Wessner's work further can find him on LinkedIn or at leadingwell.ca.
Niels Brabandt
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More on this topic in this week's videocast and podcast with Niels Brabandt: Videocast / Apple Podcasts / Spotify
For the videocast's and podcast's transcript, read below this article.
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Contact: Niels Brabandt on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/nielsbrabandt
Website: www.NB-Networks.biz
Podcast and Videocast Transcript
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
"Which language do you speak?" And I do not mean English or French; that's not the point here. The question is: which language do you speak as a leader? And when you now wonder, "What do you mean with that?" what is— is there a leadership language? And yes, there might be. We have an expert on the matter with us here today. Hello and welcome, Mark Wessner.
Mark Wessner
Good morning, and thank you for having me on the show.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Thank you very much for taking the time for this. And I'll get straight into it: you wrote the book which is called "The 4 Languages of a Leader: Finding Your Heart Language and Building Teams That Can Connect with Anyone."
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
And that's— that's a massive claim here. Many people say, "Okay, look, there are certain people who I connect with, there are certain people who I do not connect with." Well, this is just how life goes, you know? Some people you like, some people you don't. We just float along.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
You have a different claim here. Can you tell us, what are the 4 languages of a leader?
Mark Wessner
Yes, I actually do have a different claim, and that observation is true. We do connect with different people in different ways. But the book is actually exploring why that's the case, and how that works well for— or how understanding it works well for a leader.
Mark Wessner
Because really, as a leader, our primary tool that we can do our leadership through is our voice, is through communication. We can have all kinds of skills, but if we can't communicate effectively, it doesn't matter what our skills are, right? We can't connect with our board of directors, or potential clients, or partners, or whomever it is.
Mark Wessner
And, yes, each one of us would have a language that is our heart language, our default language. We just kind of naturally go that way, and we're good at it. But as the framework in this book introduces, perhaps there are different kinds of languages that each of us are really good at naturally, and different kinds of languages that suit the situation differently. And so that's what I explore in this book.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Mm-hm. Excellent. What was your motivation to write this kind of book at this point in time?
Mark Wessner
Yeah, great question. Two pieces. Number 1: just personal experience and my own sense of frustration in a specific context where I was communicating regularly and going, "Why is it just— doesn't feel like it's connecting? It doesn't feel like it's working for me. I'm not sure if it's working for others." And it wasn't for lack of effort. It was just— something was wrong.
Mark Wessner
And then I came across some writing by another researcher who introduced this framework, who I've since actually built a relationship with and expanded on, which is what this book is about.
Mark Wessner
And then the second layer is, as I began to do more executive coaching and work with other executive leaders in other contexts, realizing that I'm not the only one who experienced this frustration. And so then I've taken those— that basic model of research and that framework and expanded it across leadership in all kinds of contexts. So I use it quite a lot in my own life and leadership, and also equipping others to be able to just effectively lead more effectively.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Yeah. And also, I mean, you had to lead by— you had to lead by example. You even work for governments, and let's face it, you have a lot of different interests to juggle right there. Because usually people say, "Look, we have about 15 different points of view. Could you please serve all of them to full extent at the same time?" Doesn't matter if it goes really quick.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
So what do you now do when people— because when I prepared for this interview, many people were interested in this, and some people, which I found quite interesting, some leaders said, "Look, I—" and I found this also remarkingly open. They said, "Look, I heard of different systems. However, I really struggle to implement systems because I think my personality is— I am good on the subject matter, but I'm not really a people person.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
So no matter how hard I—" and then they mentioned, "Oh, I did this, and the color system, and the personality type test, and yada, yada, yada." They tried all of that, and they said nothing of that worked for them. Do you think there are people who really are not people people, or do you think that with this system really anyone can connect to people?
Mark Wessner
I think with this system anyone can connect, because the point of it is each of us has a default language, a certain— and so what I mean by default heart language is, when you and I communicate with somebody, regardless of whether we're on a stage public speaking, or it's one-on-one, or in a team setting, whatever the context is, when we communicate, each of us by default is expecting and wanting a certain kind of response by the other person or the other group. Not specific to the topic, but just a way of responding.
Mark Wessner
And so, for example, some of us are wired to, whenever we're communicating, what we need is the other person to respond in the moment, in some sort of personal way or in a responsive way. Others of us, our sweet spot is when we communicate with somebody and we're wanting them to go, "Huh, I need to think about that more often." And so it's that kind of framework that this book and my— and just my experience has described.
Mark Wessner
And so it's really not about personality, or color, or animal, or different— and those are— there's lots of validity to those approaches. I use some of them in my own coaching, but this isn't really doing that. What it's trying to do is find— help us identify the way of communication that resonates with us. And then when we speak and use our strategies of communication and how we put things together that are in sync with that, then the other people go, "Oh, I'm connecting with this."
Mark Wessner
Now, they may or may not agree with what you're talking about. That's not the point. But they're connecting with it, right? And so I really do believe that. And I have yet to see an example that would contradict this, that each of us can actually communicate well with other people, and it's most effective when we use the language, the way of communicating, crafting our message in a way that resonates with us. Because we're just naturally good at it.
Mark Wessner
And then exceptional leaders learn to use the other languages and sometimes recognize that it's not their sweet spot, but they have someone else on their team that they can bring in who they have a different heart language that is just perfect for the moment, and then let them do the communication. So it's a good team tool as well.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Yeah, absolutely. And also important to have a system in place that actually works. You already said there are lots of models out there, and let's face it, some of them, when it comes to people saying, "You are the monkey, you are this," this is rather a debatable approach from a scientific point of view. Let's be clear with that.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
However, one question I have to ask: some people who I asked before I prepared for this interview said, "Looks highly interesting." And then some people said, "Look, I see this man has like a massive government project lead, PhD qualified. Look, I am working as a lead electrician in some corporation. I don't have that massive career."
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
So what kind of read can people expect? Is it a very scientific read, rather hard to read, where you have to sit down, or is it something you can basically read on your way to work on the bus? Where are we with this book so people can have the right expectation?
Mark Wessner
Yeah, it's a very short book on purpose. It's less than 100 pages, and the style of writing is very accessible. I give illustrations from my own experience and others. It's a very easy read on purpose. For those who want to dive into the details of research, I've included an appendix at the back. And so because sometimes people go, "Well, that's a great model, but how do I know?"
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
You give the sources for everything you claim. You actually give the backing for everything. I mean, you are PhD level qualified, obviously. You do. Otherwise you wouldn't hold that PhD, obviously. Yes.
Mark Wessner
Exactly. Right? And so for people who want to do that deep dive, go to the appendix. You can nerd out on all the details. For those of us, which would be most of us, who are just going, "How can this practically help me right now?" that's how the book is written.
Mark Wessner
It's meant to be immediately applicable. It's short, like I said, less than 100 pages. It's written at a very— it's not assuming that the reader has a whole bunch of experience or a whole bunch of knowledge. It's meant to be understandable and applicable right away. And it's just a simple four-part little matrix, actually, visually that even works simply.
Mark Wessner
That's the target audience. This sounds bad, is everybody. But it's written that way, right, to be accessible. And those who want to dive deeper, then there's resources to do that as well.
Mark Wessner
And the other piece at the back of the book, there's a QR code that goes to my website, totally free, where there is a self-assessment. And so if you read the book, you're going, "Okay, that's really good, but how would I actually apply this?" It's a free 30-day guide that you can go there, and it just— and there's— they literally— you don't have to sign in. There's no cost, and you can work through that guide to apply this book and figure out how to use your heart language effectively for 30 days.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Yeah. Brilliant. So that means people actually can get all the theory behind it that you have in your book easily accessible. People who say, "Hey, I want the deep dive in science, find the sources," can go right there, and then they find the QR code to apply everything in their real life.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Of course, there's one final question I have to ask. When people now say, "Hey, I read the book," and maybe they say, "Mark could be really helpful for us as a trainer, or as a speaker at our event, or as a coach for our executives, or whoever else wants to help get in touch with you," the main question is, how can they get in touch with you?
Mark Wessner
Yeah, great question. I'm on LinkedIn, so just search for Mark Wessner on LinkedIn, and I'll come up there. And then my website is leadingwell.ca because I'm Canadian, but I work globally with anybody anywhere. And so either leadingwell.ca or just Mark Wessner on LinkedIn. And those are the places that I'm most active.
Niels Brabandt EMBA MBA MSc
Brilliant. These are the perfect final words. So you see, the heart language can be exactly the key to communication that you need. So at the end of this interview, there's only one thing left for me to say: Mark, thank you very much for your time.
Mark Wessner
Thank you.